Conflict Coaching and Mediation
Whether in tandem with, or separate to, mediation, the process of conflict coaching is fast emerging as an effective ADR process to support people in conflict.
In this article Mary Lou O'Kennedy discusses how conflict coaching can be applied by Mediators to compliment the mediation process. In doing so she draws on her own experience and on the testimonials of other Mediators and clients.
- Introduction
- What is Conflict Coaching?
- Conflict Coaching and Mediation - A Natural Synergy
- Applications in Mediation
Introduction
Conflict Coaching is an individualised process in which a Coach and a client (the individual being coached) develop a relationship, the aim of which is to enable and support the client to manage a specific dispute/conflict. It can also be used to work with the client to change their individual conflict behaviours and develop their general conflict competency. In this article, Mary Lou O'Kennedy discusses the benefits for Mediators of training in conflict coaching and of the positive outcomes it can have for their clients. She focuses on her own experience and that of other Mediators using the CINERGY conflict coaching Model, developed by leading expert Cinnie Noble, and includes feedback from clients who have availed of this form of coaching.
What is Conflict Coaching?
CINERGY Conflict Coaching is a structured one-to-one process in which the Coach brings the client through a series of steps designed to provide clarity in relation to the dynamics of their conflict, and then to focus on the specifics of how they can address and resolve the conflict/dispute. At all times the work of the Coach is shaped by the client's stated goal which is set by the client at the outset of the process, and which may, by be changed by the client during the process. The Coach's role is conducted primarily through posing questions which assist the client to develop their own thinking and understanding of the conflict. Through the use of effective feedback, the Coach then assists the client to identify their options, to test the likely outcomes, and to plan and rehearse their chosen course of action.
Conflict Coaching is a practical tool and aid, designed to enhance people's competency to effectively manage conflict. Those who undertake conflict coaching report significant benefits, from increasing their confidence, reducing their anxiety, discovering new insights and perspectives and learning new skills to manage their situation. People often remark on how conflict coaching can have such a marked impact on them in such a short period of time. Typically, the process can be undertaken in 4 to 6 sessions on a weekly basis, and sometimes people opt for less regular sessions over an extended period, to maintain their progress.
Conflict Coaching and Mediation - A Natural Synergy
There are many synergies to be gained by using conflict coaching to compliment the mediation process. These can be considered in two ways:
- Synergies: The skills and techniques acquired through conflict coaching training can also be usefully applied throughout the mediation process, enhancing the effectiveness of the Mediator.
- Applications: Conflict coaching can be provided in addition to mediation, either pre- or post-mediation. Where necessary, the mediation process can be suspended while parties undertake conflict coaching, to enable new perspectives in entrenched conflicts.
Synergies refer to the skills and techniques learned by the Conflict Coach that can be applied within the mediation process. Some of the key applications, which are particularly effective, include:
- Mutuality - one of the central principles of conflict coaching is that effective conflict resolution must involve mutuality. Mutuality is the term used to refer to the need for each party to understand and take account of the 'other' - there are two people with separate experiences in the conflict - this forms a significant part of the conflict coaching process. A Coach is trained in how to introduce and maintain the concept of mutuality, while retaining the trust of the client.
In Mediation, the greater each party's ability to appreciate this, the greater the Mediator's room to manoeuvre a resolution or agreement between them. Thus, the Mediator with conflict coaching skills can use the pre-mediation process to introduce the concept of 'mutuality'. This can be done by asking each party to consider the 'case', thoughts and intentions of the other party. By doing this, it prompts each party to approach the mediation with a pre-acceptance and expectation that the 'other' party's position, interests and needs, must be taken into consideration.
- Powerful Questions - Another key principle of conflict coaching is that the client is the expert in their own life - they hold the answers and the ability to resolve their own conflict. The use of questions that reveal answers and resources that the client has within themselves, to enable them to resolve their situation, is a key aspect of conflict coaching. Thus, the Coach must have the ability to ask powerful questions and the skill to know when to ask them.
In mediation, this is a particularly useful skill. Powerful questions are questions that are open, future-focused, and contextual. They can be used within joint mediation sessions to encourage greater sharing of information and thinking, to move people effectively from positions to interests and to express their needs. Coaches are also trained to remain future-focused and positive, which can be particularly useful in mediations where one or both parties are negative and appear unable to consider solutions.
- Feedback - Useful feedback is critical when helping clients to consider future plans and actions. The Conflict Coach becomes expert in how to give concrete, supportive and informative feedback. This enables the client to refine their proposals and to adopt new ways of interacting.
In mediation this skill can be particularly useful when working through solutions. It is important that the Mediator feels able and comfortable to challenge both parties in relation to their intentions and specific proposals for the future. The greater the alignment between intentions and proposals, the greater the likelihood that the agreement will hold up. Conflict coaching skills enhance the Mediator's ability to do this and to challenge the parties where this does not appear to be the case through effective and non-threatening feedback.
Mediator Testimonial:
'As a practicing Mediator I develop and broaden my skills through ongoing specialist and complementary training and reflective practice. The principles of the conflict coaching model I trained in, and the transformational nature of that process, sit very comfortably with my mediation practice. Both are processes that enable the party/parties to gain new insights and learnings through the deconstruction of their dispute, that support them in identifying their needs and in exploring and testing the different options available to them. While many of the skills and tools used in coaching are integral to mediation, the emphasis on identity and trigger points in conflict coaching has informed a deeper level of work in my pre-mediation and caucus meetings.'
Applications in Mediation
Conflict coaching can also be applied as a complimentary process to mediation. Mediation is most effective where both parties are clear on their desired outcomes, feel competent to communicate their views and are ready to think about solutions and the future. A Mediator can offer conflict coaching in the following circumstances:
Prior to Mediation
Conflict Coaching can be used prior to a mediation to help a party to prepare for mediation, or as part of the pre-mediation process to help each party to prepare for the mediation. Where the Mediator themselves provides conflict coaching, it is advisable that they coach each party (separately): this enables the Mediator to retain balance in their relationships with the parties. The Mediator must be acutely aware where they are both Coach and Mediator, of their own ability to remain impartial.
Client Testimonial:
'Conflict coaching helped me to move from being stuck in a state of shock, anger and deep hurt. The process strengthened my confidence that had been shattered by the complaint.
It provided me with new insights and provided an awareness of best ways to engage with the other person and how we might achieve a resolution.'
Mediator Testimonial:
I coached a client who was very keen to get into mediation with her husband but was terrified she would not be able to hold her focus because communication between them almost always ended in a heated row. She entered conflict coaching focussing on the most important goal for her which was to gain access to her daughter who was living with the husband. It worked extremely well and at the end of four sessions she was confident that she could hold her own. She had a very successful outcome with an agreement for the access she hoped for.
Throughout the Mediation Process
Coaching can also be used when a mediation reaches impasse. At times the mediation may not be able to advance despite the best efforts of the parties. It has proven effective in cases such as this to offer conflict coaching to both parties. This can provide an opportunity for the parties to discover new or different perspectives, which can help them move forward. Again if the Mediator is also the Coach, it is advisable that they coach both parties (separately), thereby maintaining their relationship and trust with both.
Client Testimonial:
I found the conflict coaching process very enlightening and [it] gave me new insights into what was happening when we got into conflict. It gave me a new perspective and helped me to approach the other person in a different way.
Mediator Testimonial:
It's very useful as a Mediator to be able to provide clients with an alternative way of addressing their conflict, when mediation is proving difficult. I have offered conflict coaching to clients where a mediation is breaking down and found it brings new insights and perspectives to the situation. In my experience this has enabled both parties to return to mediation focusing more on solutions and helped them to remain more open to proposals from the other party.
Post Mediation
Conflict coaching can be used post mediation to assist individuals with issues which may not have been possible to address within the mediation e.g. a problem with another but related person, lack of confidence/skills to carry out what is agreed, personal growth. While mediation provides the framework for an agreed way forward, conflict coaching can help people to pin down the practical application of what is now required to make their agreements work. In this instance, the Mediator may provide conflict coaching to either or both parties as requested, as they mediation has been concluded and the issue of impartiality is not as critical.
Client Testimonial:
'Although I had finished mediation successfully, I still had to deal with a person related to our separation and was finding it impossible. I always felt intimidated by this person but Conflict Coaching helped me to approach the situation without feeling intimidated. I used a calm, un-phased approach and avoided using words such as ‘you never’ or ‘you always’. I was able to ventilate my feelings to this person and how I felt they had made me feel. They responded by saying that was never her intention to intimidate me and was sorry if I was hurt. I was satisfied with the outcome and have not had the need to approach this person since.'
Mediator Testimonial:
'As a Mediator it is very fulfilling to be able to work with an individual who either doesn't have an opportunity to mediation with the other person or who doesn't wish to. With conflict coaching you have an alternative method of supporting the individual to regain their own sense of confidence and provide them with a practical way of managing their conflict more effectively'.
Conflict coaching is a process, which compliments mediation and conflict resolution in many ways. This relatively new process has many applications in the field of ADR and especially mediation. While the skills of the Conflict Coach has many similarities to those used by the Mediator, the emphasis and application is different. Whether in tandem with or separate to mediation, the process of conflict coaching is fast emerging as an ADR technique that provides us with another effective mechanism to help people to manage their conflict.
Mary Lou O'Kennedy is an independent Mediator and CINERGY certified Conflict Coach and trainer. She is a director of Amicus Mediation Ltd. and a certified member of the MII. She is a member of the MII Council and Chairperson of the Education Committee. Mary Lou is also a member of the FriaryLaw panel of Mediators.
For further information on CINERGY Conflict Coaching, see www.cinergycoaching.com
February 2010
